Bosoms... "I’m not here to tell you what to do or how to cope with that because I don’t actually know what to say as it did get better for me but I want to offer some support because in the last year through social media and other online platforms it just keeps on coming up and there is so much BS around being a mum in particular breast feeding I just need to say it will be ok, it might not get better but it will be ok. It concerns me so much that there is the judgment around something that is literally a necessity your kid has got to eat weather or not it’s from a tit or a teat, like how is it even a thing?!"

Bosoms...

"I’m not here to tell you what to do or how to cope with that because I don’t actually know what to say as it did get better for me but I want to offer some support because in the last year through social media and other online platforms it just keeps on coming up and there is so much BS around being a mum in particular breast feeding I just need to say it will be ok, it might not get better but it will be ok. It concerns me so much that there is the judgment around something that is literally a necessity your kid has got to eat weather or not it’s from a tit or a teat, like how is it even a thing?!"

Downloads yo. I’ve written about travelling with kids before which you can read here but since then (it was only last summer) things have changed! And by changed I mean we are all flying around in space ship cars and they have wifi and nannies and snack machines no I kid but we do now have the god send which is Netflix downloads. What is Netflix downloads you might ask Well for starters that’s probably not the correct terminology for it but in a nutshell you can now download your fave shows onto your Netflix app and watch your fave shit on the road, or plane or flying car thing. It’s great for us big kids flying solo but it’s also great for families that are traveling with a tribe and just need something to entertain them or in my case baby sit them so you can nap on the flight.

Downloads yo.

I’ve written about travelling with kids before which you can read here but since then (it was only last summer) things have changed! And by changed I mean we are all flying around in space ship cars and they have wifi and nannies and snack machines no I kid but we do now have the god send which is Netflix downloads. What is Netflix downloads you might ask Well for starters that’s probably not the correct terminology for it but in a nutshell you can now download your fave shows onto your Netflix app and watch your fave shit on the road, or plane or flying car thing. It’s great for us big kids flying solo but it’s also great for families that are traveling with a tribe and just need something to entertain them or in my case baby sit them so you can nap on the flight.

Moon Vibes Ok so I went to a party, well I was bloody late to a party, not pregnancy late but like stuck in my ways late and I finally got myself a moon cup from Oh Natural. Yep I got myself a good old hippy dippy vagina cup and let me tell you it’s bloody great! I was skeptical I am not going to lie I was excited (weird I know it’s a cup that catches your period juice what’s to be excited about) but I was and now I’m going to give you the gory run down! No it’s not going to be gory but hold on to your seats she’s going to be a ripper.

Moon Vibes

Ok so I went to a party, well I was bloody late to a party, not pregnancy late but like stuck in my ways late and I finally got myself a moon cup from Oh Natural. Yep I got myself a good old hippy dippy vagina cup and let me tell you it’s bloody great! I was skeptical I am not going to lie I was excited (weird I know it’s a cup that catches your period juice what’s to be excited about) but I was and now I’m going to give you the gory run down! No it’s not going to be gory but hold on to your seats she’s going to be a ripper.

What the shit I do. "What the shit I do! So one of the top things I get asked is what do you actually do? So here I am sitting down with a bunch of bad bitches telling yall what I do. It might be boring as fuck there’s not cute kid stories or anything but there’s me spinning a yarn about how I now get paid to spin a yarn.  I have a few titles I guess and I have a few roles main one being mum but I don’t get paid for that shit so let’s move on, almost every time I mention I’ve got so much to do or I’m heading to Auckland for some work people say wait you have a job? And I always just thought it was pretty bloody obvious but apparently it’s not so here it is I make cold hard cash money all thanks to you babes, well I’ve worked fucking hard to but you guys are my business."

What the shit I do.

"What the shit I do! So one of the top things I get asked is what do you actually do? So here I am sitting down with a bunch of bad bitches telling yall what I do. It might be boring as fuck there’s not cute kid stories or anything but there’s me spinning a yarn about how I now get paid to spin a yarn.  I have a few titles I guess and I have a few roles main one being mum but I don’t get paid for that shit so let’s move on, almost every time I mention I’ve got so much to do or I’m heading to Auckland for some work people say wait you have a job? And I always just thought it was pretty bloody obvious but apparently it’s not so here it is I make cold hard cash money all thanks to you babes, well I’ve worked fucking hard to but you guys are my business."

Ruby and the poo shows. "I’ve come up with a cunning plan, I told her there were no more babies on YouTube. I don’t know if she bought it but when I put it on for her I made sure there were only lame non doll like videos on the explorer bit and then I hit Netflix to woo her back in. I established her fave things other than dolls pooping and complied her own list (do you use lists on Netflix if you don’t you should, I only found this feature not long ago and it’s so good) that way she wasn’t over whelmed with choice and I knew she had to like something in there also she didn’t have free reign to pick something just as bad as babies pooping on the internet."

Ruby and the poo shows.

"I’ve come up with a cunning plan, I told her there were no more babies on YouTube. I don’t know if she bought it but when I put it on for her I made sure there were only lame non doll like videos on the explorer bit and then I hit Netflix to woo her back in. I established her fave things other than dolls pooping and complied her own list (do you use lists on Netflix if you don’t you should, I only found this feature not long ago and it’s so good) that way she wasn’t over whelmed with choice and I knew she had to like something in there also she didn’t have free reign to pick something just as bad as babies pooping on the internet."

#ahealthybabeandhappymumisbest "I was one of the LUCKY ones, I put lucky in capitals for a reason. I was lucky because I had support. I had an amazing partner who held my hand when I cried and fed my baby through gritted teeth, I had a mum who was there every step of the way telling me it will get better and suggesting I stick my nipples in the sun for a bit to toughen them up (better than the wire brush option she was given as a young breast feeding mother) I was constantly SUPPORTED and up-lifted by those around me on my breastfeeding journey. I was LUCKY because I didn’t have inverted nipples, I was LUCKY because I never had crippling mastitis, I was LUCKY because my baby thrived on my breast milk, I was LUCKY because my child wasn’t allergic to my own milk I produced for that child, I was LUCKY because I had a great milk supply without having to supplement myself with anything (though I did love a good lactation cookie), I was LUCKY that I didn’t have an illness that stopped me breastfeeding, I was LUCKY that I didn’t have to go back to work and keep up with pumping. Sometimes it does come down to luck. I remember when I put so much work into getting Rocky to sleep and people would say oh you’re so lucky he’s such a content little baby and I would be all “I worked damn hard to have a content baby luck has nothing to do with it.” I am now older and wiser and I know that luck does have something to do with it because I now have friends who have tried it all and their kid just doesn’t sleep, shit, they did the mahi but still didn’t get the treats".

#ahealthybabeandhappymumisbest

"I was one of the LUCKY ones, I put lucky in capitals for a reason. I was lucky because I had support. I had an amazing partner who held my hand when I cried and fed my baby through gritted teeth, I had a mum who was there every step of the way telling me it will get better and suggesting I stick my nipples in the sun for a bit to toughen them up (better than the wire brush option she was given as a young breast feeding mother) I was constantly SUPPORTED and up-lifted by those around me on my breastfeeding journey. I was LUCKY because I didn’t have inverted nipples, I was LUCKY because I never had crippling mastitis, I was LUCKY because my baby thrived on my breast milk, I was LUCKY because my child wasn’t allergic to my own milk I produced for that child, I was LUCKY because I had a great milk supply without having to supplement myself with anything (though I did love a good lactation cookie), I was LUCKY that I didn’t have an illness that stopped me breastfeeding, I was LUCKY that I didn’t have to go back to work and keep up with pumping. Sometimes it does come down to luck. I remember when I put so much work into getting Rocky to sleep and people would say oh you’re so lucky he’s such a content little baby and I would be all “I worked damn hard to have a content baby luck has nothing to do with it.” I am now older and wiser and I know that luck does have something to do with it because I now have friends who have tried it all and their kid just doesn’t sleep, shit, they did the mahi but still didn’t get the treats".

Ruby and the shit mum. "On Monday we went to a music class and well she was mainly music is that classed as a class? I used to take Rocky to shit all the time and he turned out great like really really great but Rubes, did she not stand a chance right from the start?! Oh god have I ruined here? Am I the reason she doesn’t speak, she hates almost everything apart from her Nana and Poppa and am I the reason she’s such a sassy little bitch?! (bitch in a good way like she will be a girl boss kind of bitch, so fuck off Grace) is it all because she doesn’t get taken to shit? Rocky went to all the shit, like all the extra curriculum activities, fuck is that a thing at this age? Like are they called extra curriculum activities? I am asking a lot of questions here basically the reason I’m writing this is because I am a cunt of a parent and I need all you other parents that are just like me to be all yo B your all right like she probably would have been a sassy sausage even if you did take her to these things that good mum’s take their kids to. I mean it’s not that I don’t want to take her but she’s kid number two and that makes shit awkward like I now work, I have kid number one that needs to be taken to kindy etc. and needs train tacks built and also when Rocky was a babe I didn’t have Netflix so that’s another big factor (roll your eyes go on)."

Ruby and the shit mum.

"On Monday we went to a music class and well she was mainly music is that classed as a class? I used to take Rocky to shit all the time and he turned out great like really really great but Rubes, did she not stand a chance right from the start?! Oh god have I ruined here? Am I the reason she doesn’t speak, she hates almost everything apart from her Nana and Poppa and am I the reason she’s such a sassy little bitch?! (bitch in a good way like she will be a girl boss kind of bitch, so fuck off Grace) is it all because she doesn’t get taken to shit? Rocky went to all the shit, like all the extra curriculum activities, fuck is that a thing at this age? Like are they called extra curriculum activities? I am asking a lot of questions here basically the reason I’m writing this is because I am a cunt of a parent and I need all you other parents that are just like me to be all yo B your all right like she probably would have been a sassy sausage even if you did take her to these things that good mum’s take their kids to. I mean it’s not that I don’t want to take her but she’s kid number two and that makes shit awkward like I now work, I have kid number one that needs to be taken to kindy etc. and needs train tacks built and also when Rocky was a babe I didn’t have Netflix so that’s another big factor (roll your eyes go on)."

You don’t have to like everyone on the internet but you don’t have to be mean. "Here’s how I see it we don’t all like each other and that is ok, it’s totally fucking fine shit someone is probably reading this write now hating me and literally everything I type is just grinding their gears a little bit more and they can’t wait to bitch about it in their group chat on messenger or they’re reading it and messenger bitching right now and to be honest I’m fine with that gossiping is a thing and it will happen, bitching is a thing, it’s always been a thing and it will happen we probably all do both those things quite often without even thinking about it which is sad but totally true. I’m probably way out of line and people won’t agree with this but it’s kind of normal, it probably shouldn’t be normal but it is we like to talk about people behind there back or we like to say it to their face through the internet so it’s not really there face it’s just a key board warrior trolling the net because they have a sad life and they need to tell someone they are lame to make them feel better."

You don’t have to like everyone on the internet but you don’t have to be mean.

"Here’s how I see it we don’t all like each other and that is ok, it’s totally fucking fine shit someone is probably reading this write now hating me and literally everything I type is just grinding their gears a little bit more and they can’t wait to bitch about it in their group chat on messenger or they’re reading it and messenger bitching right now and to be honest I’m fine with that gossiping is a thing and it will happen, bitching is a thing, it’s always been a thing and it will happen we probably all do both those things quite often without even thinking about it which is sad but totally true. I’m probably way out of line and people won’t agree with this but it’s kind of normal, it probably shouldn’t be normal but it is we like to talk about people behind there back or we like to say it to their face through the internet so it’s not really there face it’s just a key board warrior trolling the net because they have a sad life and they need to tell someone they are lame to make them feel better."

I don't even know what to do. "I said this today just the once I think?! But it’s something I say all the time when I’m normally alone and over whelmed, I say it out loud and the kid’s kind of look at me like figure it the fuck out mum and then I do. After today’s wee episode that stemmed from Ruby pulling on her haakaa suction bowl so hard that the whole bowl came unstuck and went flying across the room, ok not the room but me the bowl of couscous and stew literally covered me and our white carpet (who the fuck puts white carpet in a house) so as I sat there, yep I was sitting on the floor eating dinner because that’s Ruby’s new thing I have to sit at their table to eat dinner and when I’m on the evening duty on my own I’m not fucking around I do what the boss says when bed, baths and dinners are solely on me  ha but that put me directly in the line for her food flinging sitcho, in all fairness she’s never been able to un stick that amazing bowl before so we were not prepared for the fall out and I specifically give her that bowl when we eat shit I don’t want tipped all over the show."

I don't even know what to do.

"I said this today just the once I think?! But it’s something I say all the time when I’m normally alone and over whelmed, I say it out loud and the kid’s kind of look at me like figure it the fuck out mum and then I do. After today’s wee episode that stemmed from Ruby pulling on her haakaa suction bowl so hard that the whole bowl came unstuck and went flying across the room, ok not the room but me the bowl of couscous and stew literally covered me and our white carpet (who the fuck puts white carpet in a house) so as I sat there, yep I was sitting on the floor eating dinner because that’s Ruby’s new thing I have to sit at their table to eat dinner and when I’m on the evening duty on my own I’m not fucking around I do what the boss says when bed, baths and dinners are solely on me  ha but that put me directly in the line for her food flinging sitcho, in all fairness she’s never been able to un stick that amazing bowl before so we were not prepared for the fall out and I specifically give her that bowl when we eat shit I don’t want tipped all over the show."

Meet a mum who had an abortion... "I started this post ages ago and then I got real awkward and just yarned and tried to cover my tracks and explained everything to much when this is my blog and I actually don’t have to explain shit like I can literally write about whatever the fuck I want to. So now I’m all fuck it and I’m just putting pen to paper like I do and I’m writing about the time I got an abortion. There have been so many things in the media lately about women and their bodies and their rights and so many times abortion was brought up, I’ve actually been meaning to talk about the subject since I started the blog because it’s kind of tabo and I think that is all shit so here I am getting on with it and sharing my story. Would you say I’m pro-abortion? I guess so I am a firm believer that no one should tell us what to do with our bodies or judge someone on what they do with their bodies, I also become highly agitated and punchy when I read the comments on any termination article on the internet."

Meet a mum who had an abortion...

"I started this post ages ago and then I got real awkward and just yarned and tried to cover my tracks and explained everything to much when this is my blog and I actually don’t have to explain shit like I can literally write about whatever the fuck I want to. So now I’m all fuck it and I’m just putting pen to paper like I do and I’m writing about the time I got an abortion. There have been so many things in the media lately about women and their bodies and their rights and so many times abortion was brought up, I’ve actually been meaning to talk about the subject since I started the blog because it’s kind of tabo and I think that is all shit so here I am getting on with it and sharing my story. Would you say I’m pro-abortion? I guess so I am a firm believer that no one should tell us what to do with our bodies or judge someone on what they do with their bodies, I also become highly agitated and punchy when I read the comments on any termination article on the internet."

Home sweet home. "We are moving out! Yep at the ripe old age of 26 we are moving out of home again it’s like we are 18 year olds moving out again and it’s so bloody exciting but at the same time It's a bit bitter sweet. We tried to buy a house and when I say tried I mean we really really really tried to buy a house like I tried everything and it just wasn’t going to happen, I thought I would write about it because there’s a lot in the media about first home buyers at the moment and not one thing has been alike our story. I have nothing against these articles because hey these people have been able to get into their own home and someone might get something from it, like someone might not realise there’s a town called Oamaru that you could move to and buy a house for like $150,000 but then who can really just up and move to the middle of nowhere? Trust me I have looked at every single angle of us buying a house right now and if one of these solutions applied to us I would have grabbed it with two hands but they don’t."

Home sweet home.

"We are moving out! Yep at the ripe old age of 26 we are moving out of home again it’s like we are 18 year olds moving out again and it’s so bloody exciting but at the same time It's a bit bitter sweet. We tried to buy a house and when I say tried I mean we really really really tried to buy a house like I tried everything and it just wasn’t going to happen, I thought I would write about it because there’s a lot in the media about first home buyers at the moment and not one thing has been alike our story. I have nothing against these articles because hey these people have been able to get into their own home and someone might get something from it, like someone might not realise there’s a town called Oamaru that you could move to and buy a house for like $150,000 but then who can really just up and move to the middle of nowhere? Trust me I have looked at every single angle of us buying a house right now and if one of these solutions applied to us I would have grabbed it with two hands but they don’t."

Let's talk about Friday night. "I need to write about this I have been overwhelmed with messages and now I need to write this down, this isn’t about me this is about a NZ wide issue that I saw first-hand on Friday night, this is a blog about a rape culture that we as mothers have the power to stop, that we have the power to change. My main audience is mothers but I also have a huge amount of young women who follow long for the gold yarns and the cute kids, this is why I need to talk about this, I have a platform that targets the exact people effected by every day sexual harassment and I am going to say something about it and I am going to try my best to do something about it because if one mother talks to her teenage son or if one girl stands up for herself or feels better about herself because I what I have to say the I know I am doing the right thing".

Let's talk about Friday night.

"I need to write about this I have been overwhelmed with messages and now I need to write this down, this isn’t about me this is about a NZ wide issue that I saw first-hand on Friday night, this is a blog about a rape culture that we as mothers have the power to stop, that we have the power to change.

My main audience is mothers but I also have a huge amount of young women who follow long for the gold yarns and the cute kids, this is why I need to talk about this, I have a platform that targets the exact people effected by every day sexual harassment and I am going to say something about it and I am going to try my best to do something about it because if one mother talks to her teenage son or if one girl stands up for herself or feels better about herself because I what I have to say the I know I am doing the right thing".

Proud Parents. "Do you know what I feel really bloody lucky about? The fact that I lived my life with no pressures from my parents, I never ever felt that what I did wasn’t good enough let’s be honest I wasn’t an over achiever what so ever so I’m not talking about getting Bs when they expected me to get As but I’m talking about when in 7th form I decided not to study a whole lot for my NCEA exams and used to go around saying how God would help a sister out (I probably should have gone to church or something). I was not a great student academically but I was a bloody great time and a good friend and I think I was a fantastic daughter so what was there to be disappointed in right? Obviously there were times when I got into trouble but still I never felt any pressures to be perfect, what the fuck even is perfect?"

Proud Parents.

"Do you know what I feel really bloody lucky about? The fact that I lived my life with no pressures from my parents, I never ever felt that what I did wasn’t good enough let’s be honest I wasn’t an over achiever what so ever so I’m not talking about getting Bs when they expected me to get As but I’m talking about when in 7th form I decided not to study a whole lot for my NCEA exams and used to go around saying how God would help a sister out (I probably should have gone to church or something). I was not a great student academically but I was a bloody great time and a good friend and I think I was a fantastic daughter so what was there to be disappointed in right? Obviously there were times when I got into trouble but still I never felt any pressures to be perfect, what the fuck even is perfect?"