Life hacks from a young mum.

The plan was to hide in the bath for 10 minutes after Rocky got out and write this post. The reality is Rocky screaming at the bathroom door after fighting Jared to not get dressed because he wanted an apple which resulted in daddy saying no Apple!! Ive got all these mum hacks stored away in my brain and before baby brain gets to serious I thought I better share them with you, I guess they're single girl hacks, mum hacks, not mum hacks and possibly hacks for anyone looking to get out of a few tricky situations and by that I mean late night sex when you really really just want to sleep.

I think my top one I've been using since a Rocky was teeny tiny was to offer to bath with the child, you basically hop in and bath them and play with them until they get annoying as hell or turn into a prune which ever comes first then you call other half to pluck them out of bath. Now prep with is key here, you have already prepared child's pj's and nappy so when the kid is plucked from bath you simply say oh I haven't washed yet his clothes are ready in his room can you just get him dressed I'll be out in 5 (actually 25) oh and his dinner is in the kitchen so if you want to just sort that out that would be fab. P.s always make sure they shut the door completely not just pull it shut the last thing you want is to have this carefully planned time interrupted by your offspring.

Next fave is to "pretend" you need something from supermarket, or take something with you to "go to the post shop" because it's super urgent and needs to be done ASAP. I like to plan this for pre or post nap which ever I feel will bring out the worst mood in Rocky, I'm lucky Jared comes home for like a 2 hour lunch every day so I enjoy springing this on him diring this time that way he has to supervise lunch and normally clean up lunches mess. Normally I head to the supermarket and just wander around aimlessly just general browsing really with no intention of actually buying anything sufficient then I'll grab a choccy bar and sit in my car for another 10-15 eating it before I drive home. If I'm lucky I have data on my phone and I can surf the net catching up on social media/goss and shit. It's amazing what 30 minutes at the supermarket alone can do for the soul on a day from hell plus it's way cheaper than a shrink! Just remember don't come home with item you were "posting" and grab some laundry powder or toilet rolls or something legit you had to shop for so urgently.

Now my pet hate is when I've gone to bed super tired and I'm all cosy in my little almost asleep bubble when bam Jared comes in late and instantly starts getting all heyyyyy baby girl, um no Jared you just sat your ass on the couch watching league for an hour when I came to bed at a reasonable time to sleep like you do when you go to bed you are not getting any with your creepy midnight moves! Maybe just maybe if you came to bed at a normal time I would have been more willing to get at a brother but no not at midnight. Of course I feel bad on the odd occasion so to save th heart ache of saying shit no I will go along with it for a little bit then fart, timing is key here get the timing right and the boy will just roll over and leave it I laugh he normally kicks me and we both have a fab night sleep it's really a win win situation for both of us. P.s I know I sound like a romp hating troll but I really do put out 😂.

You can always do the old nap right on wake up time as well this works best on weekends as other half will be home. When you are pretty sure the kid will wake shortly run away and "nap" when you hear the child wake put away phone, magazine etc and pretend to sleep (you can't hear baby super deep sleep) once the coast is clear i.e you have heard child be brought out of nap time let your recreational items resurface and wahla you are now free for an hour or so. Oh and seriously sleep if you need to but my phone is my weapon of choice.

Last but not least and oh so important is what I like to call "the rough night" this is when your baby has slept like an angel all night but in the morning when they wake at six you roll over almost in tears because you've been up and down all night with the devil child who barely slept a wink and you can feel a tingle in your throat because your run down so your getting sick and you can't possibly get up at this hour. Now really put the exhausted puppy dog eyes on when doing this it'll get them out of bed very quickly to ovoid a nervous break down on your part. If you choose to try this out and it's successful so you will be using it again make sure you praise partner for how much they help out on the weekend and how amazing they are, but if they struggle to get out of bed don't be shy to use the you sleep all night you don't even flinch it's not fair blah blah blah it works a treat!!

ok now I've convinced you all I'm a horrible manipulating bitch I'd like to just say your welcome, enjoy your break and your sleep in and that extra chocolate bar whilst you sit on Instagram. I really am a great person lol and I'm pretty sure Jared knows I'm bullshitting but goes with it because he seriously is the best guy a gal could ask for.