We officially made it to three weeks with out a melt down that's three weeks and two days to be exact. Now that's no easy feat I'm sure there's many mamas reading this that have experienced the three day blues when your milk comes in and you turn into a sloppy mess of hormonal tears and tantrums, well I cried a lot that day but no major melt down so yay me. But then today happened or last night we could totally start at last night, my first night flying solo and my lord was it a bloody shit show that continued into today my first day solo. Jared left yesterday to head back to the north island for work and that was lame enough as it is but I'm a big girl and I knew it was coming so I only cried for like thirty seconds at the airport then left in a hurry you know me I'm a pro at playing it cool. So here I am with the babes Rocky's in bed, I'm hanging with the little babe we head to bed cause I know I have to get up early (Jared and my dad have been doing the morning shift with the man baby) but then bam I'm awakened to Rocky sobbing it's 11.30pm this kid never wakes in the night he's a solid sleeper so I pop in kiss him tell him it's bed time still blah blah blah but no the little poopy head is having none of it, mummy mummy bed cuddle. He wanted me in his bed and was not going to take no for an answer I leave he cries we continue on for a good 5 minutes then I'm all fine and scoop him up chuck him into our bed because I can't muck around in his room when Ruby is in her bassinet in my room with a cold also waking often (kill me now).
Well it's all good and dandy Rocky is sleeping sideways so booting me in the gut and vag every so often, Ruby is choking on her snot which makes her even louder than a normal snuffly new born, that makes me jump out of bed and check her more than the most paranoid of paranoid helicopter parents.
Yep toddler booting, baby giving me anxiety and did I mention Rocky wakes at 5.12am like seriously is that even a time! He's an early riser but I'm talking 6.00am 6.30am on a good day not flipping 5.12am but the thing is I have to give in to his punk ass two year old attitude because if I don't he will wake the new babe grizzling oh my Tupac give me strength, he has a morning routine so I'm told by his father and poppa grapes up first then he will have cereal of his choice with the option of milk or yogurt talk about sitting on a god damn throne! This kid has it good I tell you we then proceed to watch un boxing videos of tractors, diggers and trains followed by review after review finished with horrendous pre school songs oh and I'm trying to read the new Your home and garden Xmas edition in between him throwing the mag on the floor because I must watch you tube with him (did I mention kill me now).
That's the morning shitty mc shit but then my sister rescues me to take Jared's mum to the airport and hallelujah they take the devil child with them (Rocky) I'm like yay I can sleep but Ruby's like yay let's not sleep and naw at mums tit till they get home. The little she devil goes from bad to worse feeding feeding feeding (this mama absolutely despises demand feeding) cat nap feed feed feed massive nap feed feed feed feed feed oh vomit vomit cry, yep it literally went like that. This child has been perfect sleeping feeding three hourly she's a pin up for 1990 plunket brochure she's the definition of that four hourly feeding wheel but not today today she's a four minute screaming I want boob mess and I'm the equivalent mess of a cow only good for its udders.
Where I'm going with this is shit is going to be hard and it hit me like a tonne of bricks we have the best support network around us down here and we are so incredibly lucky to have such amazing family helping to raise the sprogs but today it was hard she is currently screaming while mum gigs her up and down so I can have 15 minutes peace in the bath and I'm ok with that because she's been screaming at me all day so it won't hurt her to scream at someone else. And I'm writing trying not to bawl thinking about how tired I am and how much I already miss Jared and how having two kids under two is going to be hard like really hard but tomorrow is another day and I'm a glass over flowing kind of gal so I'm not too concerned let's chuck today behind us and start tomorrow fresh after a good nights sleep (hopefully), plus the big kid was a champ today despite his early start that kid is legend and I couldn't be more proud of how he's slotted into big brother life.
Oh and this babe is finally sound asleep cuddled up on my chest and I'll tell you right now I will cut you if you wake her.
P.s this page is pretty much therapy for me I feel 1000000 times better after writing it all down.