Dress them cute.

When Rocky  turned one he was horrible like so horrible I cried every day for about ten days. I was convinced he hated me, he was an angel for Jared then I would walk in to the room and bam he hated the world. I cried about it on the regular and Jared would say he doesn't hate you babe he just has a different way of showing his love! Ha what a joke the little bro might not of hated me but he sure was out to make life difficult for me and bless at least Jared tried to make me feel better. image

Yesterday and today have been like reliving those days yesterday it was the baby girl today it's the teenage boy, who am I kidding today it's a team effort from the two minis.

Ruby is on day two of team no nap she's basically a sweaty, hot, hairy, almost chubby, spewing mess. Yesterday she woke up determined to make me cry more than her but I won because I cried once and she cried approximately 500000000 times, what up now baby girl I showed you! But I was on the verge of tears most of the day. Thank F for pre school atleast I could drop the grump off and he was someone else's problem for the day.

It was a series of unfortunate events I slept shit Sunday night I actually dreamt I gave birth again and had trouble birthing the placenta again so naturally I was exhausted when I awoke Monday morning. I took 4 goes to wake up because I rolled over and refused to face the day then I was reminded I have children (why did I have children) so up I got dropped the kid at pre school and headed to our storage unit to find stuff. Now it's a creepy storage unit you know a big concrete building with rows of tin rooms that smell bad, the corridors are long and your ages away from anyone if something went wrong so me being the freak show I am took the padlock and key in with me so no murderer lurking around could lock me in, shit son what a terrible idea what was I thinking who would murder me I'm too loud when I scream plus too many people would miss me lol any who I got the goods packed everything back in and realised I'd lost the key and padlock in the unit somewhere like seriously! I rang mum and asked her if I was a bad person in my past life? It was the only explanation I had as too why was I such a dumb bum. Moral of the story don't do shit when your super tired just don't it's not worth it team, I pulled everything back out found the key and ran just incase the serial killer was hiding behind one of the smelly creaky tin doors.

Then Ruby basically cried and treated me like a bloody milk bar for the rest of the day. She refused sleep unless she had a tit in her mouth which is basically my worse nightmare have I mentioned I hate demand feeding, but you win some you loose some the babe has been an absolute legend since day one I can count three times I was all baby girl seriously calm your farm and go to sleep! That's three days including today out of 33 so I guess I'm winning more than loosing huh.

But I got seven hours out of her last night so once again winning.

Then today happened atleast I didn't give birth in my dreams last night so I'm feeling pretty great but Rocky was not on the same buzz he's all over the bloody place up and down crying laughing it's like dealing with a baby teenage girl but he's a two year old boy. Everyone pops off to work then the minis have this little meeting and work out this master plan to ruin mums life! They take turns just to warm up Ruby cries then stops ahhh sleep success then Rocky screams about not having the right cereal then Ruby is awake and sobbing through the baby monitor then we repeat until wham they go together on cue I'm convinced it was pre meditated. So the three of us are in my room I'm feeding the girl baby, the toddler in on the floor rolling around seeing how screechy he can make his voice and then Jared calls " babe can I buy these shoes" me " ahh can you hear your children it's not really a good time" then the cheek of him "oh her cry I miss that cry" well if you miss it so bloody much I'll put them on a courier to you ASAP with no return address.

Then it takes a turn for the worse I'm switching between feeding her and cuddling him and he bites me smack bang on the shoulder out of no where just a big old toothy bite. Atleast whilst he was screaming in his bedroom with the door shut I had some peace and quiet, I wasn't quite rocking in the corner yet but I was close trust me I was really close (if you watched my snap story you will understand) it was carnage.

Now I was out of options so I pulled a piece of wisdom I had tucked away in the back of the old noggin and I dressed the kids cute. Once apon a time I came up with this theory if your kids are shit like its so bad you can't even look at them shit then dress them cute and you will get through the day. Like pick an extra great cute outfit, my go too for Rocky at that terrible stage when he turned one was a matching ensemble a two piece Pop Factory outfit the red and white wally set, it was my fave he was so cute in it and looking at him became more bare able when he wore it. So today I did it again the kids were dressed in a couple of faves and bonus they matched matching kids are so much easier on the eye when all you see is the devil looking back at you, today they wore matching Pop Factory and today is now a good day.


P.S Ruby is currently nibbling my boob drifting in and out of sleep and I'm to frekin scared to move (I hate demand feeding)

P.P.S Come at me attachment parents lol