I feel like I want to blog and I've tried to blog but you see I'm in a funk. For no apparent or obvious reason I just am. There's no witty words or quirky references there's two lame drafts saved that I have gone back to numerous times but they're still hanging in the not dope enough section.
Rocky's doing my head in we are clashing like Kanye and Taylor and it's super frustrating I couldn't tell you the amount of times I've wanted to put him in a cupboard or just run away and hide from him under our bed but I haven't, it may have been better if I did though.
I've been unkind to him just as he's been unkind to me, I've cried with frustration and he's cried with frustration, I've yelled and he's yelled louder, I've said no and he's said no firmer, I've taken myself out of the situation and he has put himself to bed, I've pulled him off Ruby and he's just jumped on her harder, I've asked him to stop pinching and he's pinched himself, I've been mean and he's been angry.
This week can fuck right off.
There's new routines, there's no Aunty sarah, there's a daddy here 24/7 to share mama with, there's a baby in the family that hasn't gone away, there's no nana or poppa, there's a new pre school teacher, there's no more nappies and there's no ice blocks left. That's what your dealing with Rock man and the easiest solution is to take it out on baby girl I'm good with this I get it I'm the parent, I'm your support and I'm you rock but it takes its toll on me too kid. Your as feral as a two year old gets I long for pre school days but then I long for you to come home, I long for bed time but then I just want to wake you up, I long for you to sleep in longer but then I can't wait for you to say morning mama.
Being your mum is hard but being without you is harder.
You are so kind when your not hangry and so sweet when your not sleepy. I totally get it being two must be hard your learning so much about the world every day just tonight you said shit when you dropped something and Poppa also taught you that mamas drunk song is piano man which you have repeated to anyone who will listen. You love your sister but you probably also loathe her which is totally fine we can get the band back together another day when your ready to share the stage. We will continue to teach you to be her protector not torturer and that she doesn't like to play roll over like a puppy all day long. We will help you broaden your vocabulary so you can say oh no not oh shit in a crisis situation and we Rocky Lima will love you forever even on the hardest of hard days we will always tell you we love you and set a good example (minus the swearing it's so hard not to say shitballs atleast once a day).
I will try and be patient with you as you find your way I promise these weeks that have us both exhausted sobbing will be few and far, I promise to shower you in kisses like you do me and I promise to be the ice to your cube.
Let's recharge baby boy, Tomorrow is a new day.