Today is international Womens day, you've probably seen it because its kind of a big deal! But is it just me or do you not ever remember this being a thing last year or the year before either?
Any way thats neither here nor there. This morning my mum said to Jared as she was heading out the door to hang out the washing and I was juggling a crying Ruby and blowing my nose because I woke up with a stupid cold, that he should be hanging out the washing and then putting the baby to bed because its Womens day and we shouldn't have to do it. He had just got back from dropping Rocky at preschool and promptly informed me that he heard on the radio its actually a day to celebrate women in the work force and mumbled something about equality in the workplace etc etc etc, I very promptly reminded him that I work all day and most of the night without pay looking after his god damn children.
I get it like the whole women at work thing, but for Jared to think that us baby mamas are excluded poo hoo you mother fucker. I am up at 6am every morning yes I'm probably not actually 'awake' until like 6.45am and yes sometimes I do try and sneak back to bed only for Rocky to find me and have a massive hissy fit because he neeedsssssss me to "sit couch now MAMA"!!! or "grappeesssssss" oh sorry that you ate your grapes so bloody fast and want more have I inconvenienced you by trying to get back into bed and hide under the covers at this ungodly hour of the morning (yes I know 6am isn't actually that bad but for like a year straight I got up at 5am with him so I'm allowed to bitch about whatever I want ok, been there done that.)
Oh and then theres the poop I have to deal with Ruby shitting through her clothes like once every few days and Rocky do you remember when you accused me of leaving skids in the toilet the other day and I was all no it was Rocky and you were all Rocky is tiny he can't do that much damage to the toilet and I was like well Im a lady we just simply do not poop that much with such force. Well it was Rocky for your information like have you seen how much that kid can shit? he shits more than an elephant and I can only imagine they shit a lot and no you haven't seen him shit because he refuses to poop for anyone other than me! where I'm going with this is I'm a part time cleaner I just don't get paid, I scrub your children's shit off the toilet and out of the carpet or my clothing which ever she prefers to do her business on at least once a day.
Then theres the food jesus I tried to give Rocky a sandwich the other day you know the kind he happily eats three days a week at pre school but then refuses point blank to touch the sandwich here at home, well I mixed it up a bit I gave him peanut butter because its forbidden at pre school I thought it would be exciting but what did I get in return? he screamed at me noooo MOORRRRREEEEEEE MAMA, I was all more what bro you've got a sandwich you haven't touched but gain he screamed at me MORREEEEEEE whilst shoving the said sandwich in my face like I should have known what to do in this situation. I didn't know by the way so I cut it into a cute elmo shape and bribed him with chocolate until it was all gone.
He also took his nappy off that I make him wear at nap time because his bladder control ain't all that great just yet and he pissed the bed but it was ok because he walked out into the lounge and said I pee'd pants mama, I pee'd bed, come on I show you. Yes Rocky I want to look please show me I'm almost bursting with excitement about stripping your bed right back to the mattress and also washing your pillow because some how you slept the fucking fatal position and managed to wee on the your pillow and no where near where the brolly sheet is?! Yep I had that shit washed and dried and back on the bed by 6pm that night.
Then there was that time I was on the toilet and I heard that delightful child you helped make say "Ruby up now, I wake Ruby up" followed by him banging her door open and yelling into her cot "hello Ruby, Hello Baby Girl" "you wake up now". Fuckkkkk I could not wipe my ass quicker but no it was too late so yipeeeee for me both the children were wake when at least one of them shouldn't have been.
I am also a master negotiated, Im pretty sure they get paid well but no I normally get a foot to the face for my efforts. At a guess I probably say "No Rocky get off your sister please" or "Rocky be careful" about 634940573 times a day, if I feel like mixing it up sometimes I'll go with "you can not drive on Ruby's head Rocky" or "your sister is not a ramp for your monster truck"!!! I work it out though I mean its cool I'm sure one day I'll stop having to negotiate every move I make with an annoying mini you and instead I'll get to like work with adults that don't insist on coming to the toilet with me or require myself to cut up there sandwich into a disney character.
Ohhhh and you know how you get to watch adult stuff like the league every weekend and the rugby well I'm more into dog shows and car racing specifically the piston cup on repeat from the year lightning mcqueen won and the dog show its really great the current episode we have on repeat involves a dog dreaming about a giant boy that wants a giant smoothie and the dog whisperer (Ryder) talks to these dogs and they make the giant (alex) climb back up this bean stalk with this amazing doggy team work.
Then theres bath time I volunteer part time as a life guard its an ok gig I guess I mainly rescue a baby from a sea monster called Rocky, the sea monster likes to wash the baby and that usually results in her going under. We've had a few incidents but Im really good at my job so the success rate is great!.
Then at bed time I get a few hours to my self well I share it god it would be pretty selfish of me to just want myself to myself, so I let the washing have a piece of me, and Rocky's toys, and the dishes, and any sewing I have to do, and then if Im really lucky one off the kids will wake up just to remind me of there presence and that they missed me already.
But thats life and I wouldn't have it any other way I might not be actually 'Girl bossing' in a work place but I'm 'Girl bossing' right here at home with my little minions who might think its the other way around and I work under them but Im maintaining I'm totally in control and stuff. It is my job I stay home with the monsters I'm working probably 20 hours out of the day non stop even at night I'm waking feeding, checking, offering water and scrambling around in the dark trying to find a bloody bunny.
I am not taking anything away from women who work shit workings working, at home or in an office it still sucks. And I'm especially taking my hat off to working mums! I tried it and it was hard really really hard. And I'm especially especially taking my hat off to mums on their own working or just working on keeping their kids alive! go you! take my virtual fist pump and bloody rocky it.
Lets embrace each other and support each other and work with each other. Lets be our own girl boss's and kill it.
In the worlds of Bey "who run the world, GIRLS"
DISCLAIMER - This wasn't meant to be a boo hoo me blah blah blah I'm a poor stay at home mum wah wah wah, but it turned into that oops. Also Jared is amazing he does a shit load for our family and works so hard at work and at home but sometimes a gal needs a scapegoat. Sorry about the rant, peace out from ranty mc rant rant.