I know some things that will help you own it at this parenting gig I like to call them Mum hacks and they are little things you can do slip in here and there to ease the pressures of parenting. You can thank me later yo.
- If your anything like mwha and you skip the organic, raw, sugar free home grown lunch occasionally (like7/7 days) then this one is for you! I started doing it with noodles when Rocky started to get hangry (hungry + angry) probably because I'd forgotten to feed him on time (this happens often) and I needed a quicker solution to my usual stick the food in the freezer to cool down whilst trying to distract a mad as hell toddler screaming I want KAIIIIIIIIIIIII at me. You basically cook the food required it will work with anything that won't go soggy like veggies, noodles, pasta ya no that type of thing then you run them under cold water until they are pretty much cold then you drain water, add required flavour and wam bam thank you mam instant cool food for the demanding toddler.
- Tonight I ran out of breast pads it was a real arghhhhhh moment like do I risk it and she sleeps all night resulting in us waking up in the morning super awkward, I can imagine it would go something like this "ewwwww gross Jared what is that please tell me its not your milky white substance and its mine" then he would go "yo B why would you even suggest it could be from me" and then I'd be all "ummmmm dah baby boy maybe its because I legit never put out and you possible dreamt about Alicia Keys or something?" then I would say "DW about it, its cool I get it" and he would be all "home girl its from your titties and it's not my sticky icky white stuff!" yep thats how it would go and then we would establish that infact if was just my milk because I didn't put this genius mum hack into practise. Behold the maternity pad booby juice mum hack, if your like me and have recently had a baby you will probably have a mountain of stupidly big maternity pads that are good for nothing because your past that and you have vowed never to go back there like ever!! well cut those little (big really really big) suckers in half and there you go perfectly good reasonably comfortable breast pads eat you heart out johnson and johnson and your thank you baby mamas. Oh and the bachelor was on so I wasn't going to head off to the supermarket and risk missing bitchy mc bitch bitch throw someone else under the bus!!
- This on is an oldie but a goody and its come back into play again because there's another baby in the house. The old oh babe I was up all night last night trick, oh yeah its seriously good basically when the kid wakes up in the morning in this case Rocky you roll over with your best tired eyes and you say in the sweetest sleepy voice "I'm so tired my love, the baby was awake like all night and I've probably only had like three hours sleep again. You know what it's like" then you turn mad and be like "oops I forgot you don't know what its like because you literally die when you go to sleep every night and no one can wake you!! you mother fucker". It works like 8/10 and on those other two times you either cry instantly or you get up and make a huge deal about it then just break down in tears because you can't function like this. I've legit done all of these things so don't feel bad just think to your self what would Bekah do haha.
- In luie of the above you could try the opposite which is offering to get up early, its normally smooth sailing. You get up look like the model parent and what not but secretly your just ticking up one more you owe me moment in parenting, its really not that bad I swear. The kid is normally super happy because they've been napping all night long and they are pretty much guaranteed to just want to blob in front of the television ( unless your a tele free kinda family which is cool but if you are I would not use this mum hack its just not worth your while) and eat. This is Rocky he has a routine he gets up demand's you turn on the light, then I get tv on mama then I get Paw Patrol now! then I get grapes please mama, before he decides its time for actual kai and I get kaiii mama breakfast now I have hmmmmm toast and cereal with yogurt not milk. It's this weird routine he has and he needs to do all of the above every morning, yep he's a diva ok. Any who you do this then you catch up on the usuals like snapchat, Facebook and IG if your really feeling game you could do a quick scan of the news but its totally up to you. By now you've killed like an hour and its around 6.30am or something so you go back into the room and you drag the man out of bed because you've done your part then they get up thinking they have gotten off easy with them best part having that extra hour sleep in but thennnnn you hop back into bed and sleep for like two extra hours!! possibly more on the weekend OMG i know right. Enjoy!
- This ones Jared's hack and I guess it only works if your the strong authority parent (or the least fave) haha which is obviously not me (but I'm the fave)! So when I went to auckland a few weeks ago Jared was in total charge of mornings and every morning Rocky slept until like 8.00am I was all what the shit!! this is meant to be hell for you why is it not!! why is he waking up at such a reasonable time I don't understand this isn't fair blah blah whinge whinge. But then he told me his secret and I was like well played my man well played, he simply tells Rocky when he wakes at 6am that its still bedtime and he can't get up until he's had one more nap. Yep thats all he does say what!? I know but I've seen it work and now after a week or two doing it Rocky does not wake up before 7am at all. The key is to be firm and tell the child mate it's still night time you need to go back to sleep like I said send in the least favourite parent (obviously Jared here) and they won't put up to much of a fight, if it was me how ever he would have been all no mama you lie down mama lie with me mama. This works try it!! Lying to kid is ok as long as it benefits you ok.
Thats all from me folks but click here and read my first list of mum hacks I didn't want to repeat them but they are bloody brilliant ok so go read it, I teach you hoe to eat chocolate in peace and get out of having to do bed time routine! oh yeah. Your welcome xx