Last night at 8.04pm I realised I hadn't had any dinner because my children were being shitheads, so I ate a left over cheerio and like five oven fries (yep this is what I fed Rocky for dinner) then opened a bag of his easter eggs and sat down to watch the bachelor. It was then I realised I had the TV paused on channel two and I have missed 32 minutes of terrible bachelor goodness, it was also then that I sent this text to Jared.
"Your kids are killing me, you owe me for tonight" (yep when I'm done with parenting they're just 'his' kids not ours. He replied with "fuck off don't owe you nada I bring home the money haha" yep all class. So I said "I've just reentered the bath for the third time Rocky has been up twice to tell me Ruby is awake, once to ask for his drink bottle, once because he had made the sun come up on his gro clock and he proudly told me sun up I awake now and three times for the hell of it. Second bath attempt Ruby was screaming a weird scream I jumped out and rushed in practically naked to Rocky swinging on her cot then he screamed for five minutes while I fed her and now they are both screaming". He promptly offered to become a stay at home dad and he "got this".
Yep Monday night at its finest, I also sent the txt to my mum who said why would you run a bath any way when they aren't asleep and I was all they were quiet plus I needed to soak my athletic running muscles before the bachelor started. And yes my athletic runners muscles did come first because I'm legit scared I won't be able to walk in the morning and I'm also legit never running again.
At this point I'm still unsure as to whether Rocky was in her cot and was maybe standing on Ruby's face or something because she was really going to town with her screaming, normally I'm quite comfortable leaving them to cry and sort it out themselves or just go the fuck to sleep on their own but this cry was different so I leapt out of the bath ever so gracefully adorned a towel and stormed into their bedroom and with one tit hanging out and one hand holding the other in the towel I grabbed Rocky with my free arm and threw him into bed with my other boob hanging out and possibly a bit too much fanny tell him to STAY THERE in my firmest mum voice and slam the door shut behind me. Cue Rocky screaming, Ruby screaming and me with a towel around my ankles sulking about not getting a bath.
Did I mention Jared works night shift so it's just me and the children.
It was a rager I fed Ruby put her back to bed told Rocky again why he needs to stay in his own bed tucked him in kissed them both and explained I had signed off for the night so if they decide to continue being dicks they were on their own and would have to fend for themselves. Safe to say I had two sleeping babes in a matter of minutes, it was about now that I realised I had paused tv on Channel two not three and had missed half of the bachelor so had to wait another half an hour before I could watch it on plus three. That also meant I had to clean the house or something in that half an hour boo I hate cleaning but I got the job done well kind of done I have still got a mount everest sized pile of washing to fold which I probably won't fold and I'll just shove in drawers later on today.
And heres a few things that sucked about Monday during the day.
- I stepped in Rubys pee
- I fished a wooden toy car out of the toilet
- I found a week or so old apricot in the seat of Rocky's ride on digger
- I couldn't move after running 6k on Sunday
Happy Tuesday friends hope its better than my Monday!