I don't even know what to do.

I said this today just the once I think?! But it’s something I say all the time when I’m normally alone and over whelmed, I say it out loud and the kid’s kind of look at me like figure it the fuck out mum and then I do. After today’s wee episode that stemmed from Ruby pulling on her haakaa suction bowl so hard that the whole bowl came unstuck and went flying across the room, ok not the room but me the bowl of couscous and stew literally covered me and our white carpet (who the fuck puts white carpet in a house) so as I sat there, yep I was sitting on the floor eating dinner because that’s Ruby’s new thing I have to sit at their table to eat dinner and when I’m on the evening duty on my own I’m not fucking around I do what the boss says when bed, baths and dinners are solely on me  ha but that put me directly in the line for her food flinging sitcho, in all fairness she’s never been able to un stick that amazing bowl before so we were not prepared for the fall out and I specifically give her that bowl when we eat shit I don’t want tipped all over the show.

So as I sat there covered in tomatoey, meaty, couscousy stew I said out loud to I don’t even know what to do so I sat there and I kind of just looked around at the mess and then got off my fat ass and started cleaning it up, story of my life I say those words out loud I take some time and I get the fuck on with it. Today made me think though how many times this has happened, how many times I have sat there surrounded in a mess or tantrums or tears and mumbled or cried I don’t even know what to do, I thought about how many other mums might sit in similar positons over whelmed with a stew on the white carpet or a baby who won’t stop screaming or a partner who just won’t help or a toddler who is trying to put the cat in the dryer (totally hypothetical I swear we only have a dog ha) I could write these what if’s all day and chances are they’ve had me sitting thinking how the shit do I get through this but do you know what baby mama’s we just bloody do. We get up we wipe our tears, we wipe our kid’s tears, we put the baby in the room to get some space and we just get shit done, it might seem so over whelming even terrifying at that particular time but I promise you will get through it know matter how big or small you will be ok and you will know what to do because mums always know what to do.

We have all been there I know I have and I know you have we have all thought we just don’t know what to do, today for example I crawled around the floor with a bottle of carpet cleaner whilst fending Ruby off because she was trying to do a fucking floor suck oh and Rocky he went and got his fire truck that squirts real water and was like I’ll help and he tried to help but he was just in the way and on the fifth time of telling him to move I threw his fire truck out the front door, yep not my finest parenting moment but I literally didn’t know wat the fuck to do and now I’m typing this I know what you’re thinking it was just a bowl of stew on the floor and I know there’s worse shit happening but it was pretty rat shit at the time and I’m not a cleaner so the thought of stained white carpet in our rental was bloody terrifying.

My mum has never not known what to do and when I have not known what to do some one else has known what to do shit that was a mouthful but you get what I mean, there’s always a way through and we will always figure it out. I’ve called my mum in the middle of the night when I was scared or tired or at breaking point with a screaming baby and I’ve called friends when getting through meant a gossip and a laugh and I’ve called health line when I have had no one that knew what to do and you know what they always knew what to do. If we feel like we can’t do it like the time Ruby shit in her cot and then smeared it right through the cot and her bedroom and I literally didn’t know what to do I turned to IG and I asked my mates there what the fuck do I do, they supported me and they pulled me through because at the end of the day we all have to clean up someone else’s shit at least once in our lives. Sometimes it’s literally just a bit of shit we need to wade through and then all is well, there’s a light and we make it through like the bad ass bitches we are, WE ALWAYS KNOW WHAT TO DO!

B xx