I need to write about this I have been overwhelmed with messages and now I need to write this down, this isn’t about me this is about a NZ wide issue that I saw first-hand on Friday night, this is a blog about an rape culture that we as mothers have the power to stop, that we have the power to change.
My main audience is mothers but I also have a huge amount of young women who follow long for the gold yarns and the cute kids, this is why I need to talk about this, I have a platform that targets the exact people effected by every day sexual harassment and I am going to say something about it and I am going to try my best to do something about it because if one mother talks to her teenage son or if one girl stands up for herself or feels better about herself because I what I have to say the I know I am doing the right thing.
As a mother to another mother we need to do something about this because as far as I am concerned we have raised a bunch of entitled little shit heads and I know there are exceptions to this I have encountered my fair share of charming amazing and respectful young men along the way and I would hate to lump you all into the pig section so I apologise now if that’s what I do but I’m just trying to get a point across and we could all probably learn something from this because we all know someone who thinks they are god’s gift to earth and have the right to do whatever the fuck they want. We need to bring this next generation up differently because times have changed, times are changing and in 2031 when Rocky is 18 and Ruby is 16 I hope like hell we are not still dealing with this bullshit that is so normal right now in today’s world. I’m not saying these kids haven’t been brought up right because we are all doing our best and sometimes people are going to be fuckwits no matter their upbringing but if we are able to empower our children to make a change and take a stand then that’s better than raising them to be entitled little cunts. I am a mother of a daughter and a son and I am determined that my son will know right from wrong, he will know what consent is, he will know what no means, he will respect women and he will protect those around him, he will above all else stand up for what is right. Everything I want for Rocky I want for Ruby she will know right from wrong, she will know what consent is, she will know that her saying no means no, she will be respected and she will stand up for what is right, they might not be perfect and shit I know they will make mistakes and possible big mistakes but they will know these things and they will be strong independent kids who will do their best.
On Friday night I went out and I had a good time, I had a kanikani on the dance floor and I meet a young group of people who had arrived on a party bus, shit it was a bit of a shitter of a bar don’t get me wrong there was nothing pretty about it! It must have been on a party bus route because these kids came they partied and then they left just like that. So I had a bogey with them I engaged in conversation about the music (wagon wheel great song) and that was pretty much that, I did not touch anyone I did not grind on anyone and I did not in any way suggest I was down for banging a pimply faced 18-year-old possibly in there on a fake ID. I have listed all of those things above that I didn’t do, I’ve listed them to make a point I didn’t do anything in any way to lead anyone on but I was still subjected to the said kid (he was a kid) slapping my ass like a piece of fucking meat at the bar, like I said I have listed the things that he obviously thought were a sign that I wanted him to spank me at a bar when I didn’t. I have listed those things because for some reason I still feel like I need to tell the word that I did nothing to provoke this kid, unless sharing a dancefloor with someone screams hey I want to fuck you and I would love it if you would initiate this sexual encounter with a good old grope of my bottom at the bar, erm nope pretty sure that’s not consent. I’m rambling but my point here is it does not matter what I did on that dancefloor it does not mean it’s ok for anyone to touch my body, the fact that I feel like I need to explain myself is so fucked and so wrong but this is where we are at in society, I was a victim and I immediately felt like I needed to defend myself against victim blaming when it hadn’t even happened oh but it did happen so stay tuned. I could have grinded all over his puny little ass and then pashed him and then realised I was not ok in that situation and I could have left, completely removed myself and still have been subjected to his gropey little hands and that still does not make it ok, there is literally nothing that makes anything like that ok if I revoke my consent, it’s a thing you know where you realise this is not ok and you say no it does not matter how far you go no means no.
So I was at the bar his equally pathetic friend was standing next to me buying a drink and I turned my ass around so quick to see a big old smirk across his face as he disappeared outside, so naturally I took his friend who I had already ripped a new one outside and I was all take me to this kid because we need to have a chat about what he has just done it is not ok and he has no right to touch me in any way let alone the way he did, so out we went where greasy teen number 1 was know where to be found he had sleezed his was up onto that party bus as quick as anything so I did what I thought was the next best thing and I decided to have a chat to the two adult chaperones a man and a women who were with the bus load of youth, they were actual parents you could tell so I was like jackpot they can deal to this kid but this is where it gets good as I explained to the women who might I add was 100% a mother that one of these kids they were in charge of had just groped me at the bar and if I can’t have a chat with him about it then I would like them to speak to him and the lady literally looked at me and said “oh I’m sure your get over” it followed closely with “they’re from the country” “they’re country boys” WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I literally lost it like I was mad before but I was more interested in educating this young guy about what he and just done and how he should never do that ever again to anyone because it would get him in some serious fucking trouble and ah also how fucking wrong it is that he obviously has no respect for women and their bodies and pretty much anything in life but then this bitch and yep I’m going there I’m calling her out because you know what she knows better and she just took all the power away from me and came to his defence by patronising me because he was a fucking country boy and that obviously gave him the right to do whatever he wanted?!
Mates I was seeing red, how fucking dare she. I assume she didn’t have a daughter? Or maybe she was just a terrible person? I’m not sure but I cannot fathom why she felt it was ok for him to do what he did because A I would get over it and B he was from the county, um no go fuck yourself lady. You my dear you are the reason we have the rape culture we have in NZ because when a kid goes home after sexually assaulting someone and the police come knocking you are the one blaming that victim, you are the one telling your son that she provoked it by what she was wearing, the way she was dancing, the way she asked you what your name was or maybe the way she said no for the 5th time after you kept trying to get her to leave with you. You are the reason our daughter’s don’t report things because they are scared that their teenage attacker has a mother like you telling their precious little boys that it is never their fault instead of raising your son the way you should. You are the reason I am so committed to writing this and sharing this and teaching my children about rape culture. You fucked up but you are helping us now because you are the perfect example of what I don’t what to be as a mother, what you should have done is ripped that kid of that bus to apologise to be you should have read him the riot act in front of me and you should have made me feel like more than a piece of a shit, I hope you don’t have a daughter, I hope you don’t have a granddaughter one day because you are the reason it is not safe to go out alone at night, you are the reason it is not safe to buy a drink at the bar as a young women and you are the reason these entitled boys think they can do what they want when they want to who they want. To be honest after I started yelling at her I just saw red I could not even comprehend what was happening and I only remember yelling something about being a mother and how pathetic she was and how I hope my daughter never has to deal with this shit before I turned around and walked off.
I have some tips for this kid.
How to pick up a girl at a bar.
1- Don’t try to grab her
2- Don’t try to touch her
3- Don’t try to follow her
4- Don’t get in her personal space
5- Don’t breathe on her
6- Don’t spill your drink on her
7- Don’t grope her
8- Don’t slap her butt
9- Don’t creep on her
10- Don’t be a fucking shitface
11- Don’t harass her
12- Don’t discuss her with your friends
13- Don’t treat her like an object
14- Don’t be entitled
15- Don’t be disrespectful
I know I can’t change the world but if I can make one girl reading this feel better about a situation she’s been in where she was told it was her fault and she believed it or a encourage a mother to have an open and honest conversation with her teen’s about this topic or maybe I’ll change one person’s opinions on how fucked up the she asked for it mentality we have is then I know writing this was worth it.
In my situation I didn’t feel threatened by this kid at all not one tiny bit it wasn’t until I confronted the adult in the group that I felt threatened, Jared was there he didn’t see any of this take place and in hindsight taking him with me to try and talk some sense into this kid would have been a good option he would have backed me up 100% and he would have been the reason when I saw red towards this woman, shit he actually has experience in these situations but I’m a in the moment I can do it on my own without causing a scene kind of gal.
This is a problem and we have the power to do something about it, we are raising the next generation and we can raise respectful men and strong women so let’s just get the fuck on with it, no bullshit just helping each other out to raise some bad ass kids who will make this world away better place.