Meet Leila, mum to be and single.
Here she shares her story, her journey to be the best mum she can for her Daughter who is only a few weeks away, she is inspiring woman everywhere by talking about what she's been through. Not only is she doing it on her own with such a positive outlook but she's now doing what she loves and is truely passionate about. Plus hello she's a mega babe! Leila began the single mum diaries because she was sitting there alone, terrified and sick of people not in her situation telling her it was going to be ok.
I still remember the day that I became a “pregnant and single woman” and it was everything that you would imagine it to be, gut-wrenching, terrifying and full of those tears that make your whole body shake and your head pound. I was 12 weeks pregnant with my daughter (who is now 36 weeks and in my tummy) when a fight with my partner broke out, it was our first argument and there was no yelling, nothing physical – I had a terrible day in the office that went a little something like this.. Pulled over by the police and discovered my licence was suspended, they decided to impound the vehicle.. When I rang my boss to let her know I wouldn’t be in the next morning due to such a horrible and stressful few hours of dealing with the impound of my car she let me know that “We wont be needing you anymore” I had to wait for nearly an hour on the side of the road in the dark for my partner to come and collect me.. And I cried and panicked about what had happened the whole way home – I felt like a total looser and I couldn’t believe that I was pregnant, now unemployed and the police had taken my car anddddddddd given me a notice to appear in court.
Of course it led to an argument but never ever did I think it would leave me as a pregnant and single woman. I sat in the house that my ex partner and I shared for four days assuming that he had just stormed out mid argument to get some fresh air and that he would return.. Four whole days I sat there in the same pyjamas, feeling rather sorry for myself but convinced that if I just sat and waited patiently that he would return..
It was 9 days later when I got a text message saying “You need to do the right thing and abort this baby, Its not right” I was in hospital and stared at the message blankly… I didn’t understand – Abort… I was now just over 13 weeks.. I had seen her on an ultra sound sucking her thumb and playing with the umbilical cord… Abort… Who the hell was texting me.. I was sure that it was not him, he couldn’t be so heartless I thought.. I replied letting him know that I had since seen our baby on an ultra sound, that they had told me that it “appeared” to be a girl and that I had seen our daughter sucking her thumb and playing with the cord, I said that I just couldn’t get an abortion and that I was sorry.. His response was cold and nothing like him at all.. “I will not support any crazy decision for you to keep this baby, if you decide to keep this foetus I will not be around, there is no way that they told you it appears to be a girl, there is no way that she was sucking her thumb, you are deluded..” I couldn’t respond, I was just staring at the message in awe of the tone of it, then another message came through… saying the same thing.. get rid of it or your on your own.. I just replied with I cant, its not a foetus, it’s a fully formed baby, I did see it.. you weren’t there but here is the scan ( I sent through the 12 week scan I had received which clearly showed her sucking her thumb) and I have not heard from him since.
I called his mother when I was out of hospital and feeling a little stronger within myself, I just wanted to know if he was ever going to return or if any of the family wanted to be involved, I just wanted to hear anything positive.. his mother was also cold and indifferent, something she had never been before and her words still haunt me “you and the baby are dead to us, never call here again.. you are on your own kiddo don’t expect anything from us” this was the same woman that I had excitedly told the news of our little bundle of joy to a few weeks earlier, the same woman I had bonded with, talked about my partners childhood with, shared numerous cups of teas with.. I couldn’t believe my ears, and I still cant believe the sheer nastiness and cut of her words. My daughter was to be her first grand child and now she was just going to throw her away like a piece of rubbish, like a stranger, like she was nothing..
I have suffered a lot of emotional pain throughout this pregnancy and break up, It truly cut me to the core of who I am and tore out parts of my soul that I am sure I will never find again. I began The Single Mum Diaries to help rebuild myself, to connect with other women in my situation and to support like minded women through the same pain that I had suffered – it has been a huge help in my healing process and it has truly made the experience one of the best in my life. I never would of thought that it would be so successful, that I would get the ability to help so many women, or that it would lead me to launching The Mumma Collective Morning Tea at 36 weeks pregnant.. It has been the worst of times and now is the best of times, all rolled into one. It was never a journey that I wanted for myself, I was sure that I had picked a partner that would love me unconditionally till death do us part and all that lovely stuff, but it turned out that I was wrong.. We all make mistakes, and I have definitely paid the price in choosing the wrong man to have a baby with.. But in some incredible and magical turn of events it has lead me right to my passion and my purpose and it has brought to light my WHY… So I can honestly say that now, I wouldn’t change my journey for the world.
In four short weeks I will be meeting my daughter, and I truly can not wait to be blessed with her presence. She has been worth every triumph that I have faced, she will make all of the tears worth it, and of course I am hoping that one day she will be insanely proud of herself for being the leading inspiration of my life. She may not have a father that valued her, but she has a mother that knew that this parenting gig was going to be something magical.. She has had a whole tribe of women behind her these last 9 months, women and businesses from all over the world that have come to show their support and love for the both of us. One day I will tell her the love story of her father and I, and then I will share that they don’t always work out – by that point I would have raised a strong, empathetic and beautiful woman that will see that the loss is entirely her fathers and is no reflection of the woman that she is.
I never really believed in magic, but I do now.. the sheer magic of believing in yourself when no one else does, the magic that with a shift of your thoughts that you can change the outcome of your experiences, the magic that refusing to give up brings, the magic of motherhood and fighting for yourself and your children and the woman that you used to be will bring. I was a woman that had literally lost it all, but now I think I lost it all so that I had the opportunity to rebuild it to something more magical. I am not a victim of my circumstance, I am a pure example of the quote “attitude is the difference between an ordeal and an adventure” It was a simple change of attitude, appreciation for the opportunity to grow and my will to be better, do better, and have better that has lead me right to where I am today.
If you are a pregnant single, single mother or otherwise and you are struggling with the obstacles that you face I am available to talk you can contact me via firstname.lastname@example.org sometimes it just takes someone that has walked your path before you to shed a new light on your situation.