This one time Jared and I left Ruby in the car, it wasn't that long ago like maybe two weeks ago possibly three? But thats kind of irrelevant it doesn't matter when we did it the fact is it happened. We don't make a habit of leaving our kids in the car but sometimes things happen and this was one of them, when it happened I posted a picture on Facebook and IG explaining the sitcho and when I told mum she was like nooo you didn't put that on the internet did you? Um yeah I did.

Why would I admit something like that? my main reason was to show how easy it can be stories like the mum in Whanganui that tragically left her baby in the car when she went to work at the hospital really break my heart and I truely believe and have done even before such a public case here in NZ that that could quite easily happen. The frustration I feel when everyone jumps on the judgey mum bandwagon just to attack another mother because they can not understand how you could leave a baby in the car for half a day, well guys I do understand and I could understand well before I had children. I know that its nothing compared to a child but at least twice I left our dog in the car when I got home from being out I simply grabbed my things and went inside then when I realised the dog was missing an hour or so later I was all pissy because he must have ran away, it never once occurred to me that I had left him in the car. I literally went up and down the street spent ages yelling his name and even asked the neighbours to help me look for him, it was probably another 20 mins later that I walked past the car for the millionth time and actually spotted him. Like I said before a dog is not a child so some might say how could you compare the two but they are both living and they do both require assistance to get in and out of a car, I guess I always thought it would be a different story when I actually had kids because I would have my shit together and what not and I wouldn't ever leave my baby in the car but then I did.

So that day we left Ruby in the car it was raining and it was a Sunday and we were tired as hell, Ruby was mad about something and in a bit of a shit state so Jared and I decided to take her and she could sleep in the car instead of leaving her with mum like we were doing with Rocky. The plan was when I ran into the shop I needed to go to Jared would stay in the car and then I would stay in whilst Jared went and did what he had to do like we literally discussed the plan, but then we got to the shopping complex and it started to rain harder so we both jumped out and said meet you back here in five, luckily it was only five (less for Jared). Jared was only going to an ATM so he ran there and ran back not because Ruby was alone and waiting in the car but because it was raining because we honestly did not remember we brought her along, I was off to buy buttons so it was a good eight minutes or so before I realised what had happened. I was rushing and couldn't find the ones I was looking for so I was taking longer than anticipated but it wasn't until I got to the counter and was in line that I thought shit! Ruby.. I rang Jared and said OMG Ruby did you take her with you? (I knew he didn't but I thought he might have remembered and gone back for her) he was like erm no but I'm back in the car with her now and I was only gone for 30 seconds, he said his heart sank when he got back in the car and he heard her make a noise. It was the same for me when I realised what had happened and frantically rang his phone, in that moment I was freaking the fuck out.

It wasn't a big deal she was fine I'm pretty sure no-one saw anything, it wasn't for a long period of time and it wasn't super hot but it still happened and I guess we were lucky that everything turned out ok. The thing is though we forgot our child and we left her in the car Jared and myself are her parents and her protectors, I'm not trying to be all dramatic like OMG we are the worst parents in the world give me sympathy and tell me your a terrible parent too and you guys are amazing don't beat yourself up blah blah blah that is not why I'm sharing this at all. I'm sharing this story because it was scary how easy it was we are very normal parents who I would consider to be great attentive and capable parents but we were still able to make a mistake that so many other New Zealanders couldn't fathom making and absolutely tore shreds off another mother who had made the ultimate mistake, that mistake was one that will stick with her forever I can't even begin to imagine what she went through and what she still must go through! I'm not trying to compare the two scenarios too much because what happened with Ruby is nothing compared to what happened in Whanganui but what I am saying is that it was far to easy and we weren't even under half the pressure and stresses she must have been through.

I guess what I'm trying to say is it is possible for you to literally forget your child in some circumstances and it is a lot easier than you would think, when I posted about this on social media I had so many mums say they had done similar there was stories of leaving babies at home when they went out, leaving babies in shopping trollies, leaving them at friends, leaving them at malls shit I know my mum left me at the supermarket when I was a baby. We just need to be kinder and more understanding it doesn't matter if you swear black and blue that you would never ever do such a thing it's so easy to judge in the heat of the moment and when you have emotions running high and people who all of a sudden are fucking experts on everything (hello zoo incident which I'm not even going to go into because it makes me so mad) we just need to step back and take a breather I like to use a general rule of thumb where you say what if that happened to me or my family member, you shouldn't do anything or treat people how you wouldn't want to be treated if the tables were turned. Yes you might not leave your child in the car but you might do something that others don't agree with and you might find your self at the other end of the attacks, just think about it before you get on your high horse and act all high and mighty we are all humans, we are all mothers and quite frankly if your not a mother you have no right to even comment on whether or not you would make similar mistakes when you have children because you don't and you have seriously no idea what its like to be a mother.

Things got a bit ranty but I think I got my point across and I don't really care if people choose not to agree with me, but its my blog and I can say what I want and you know what I can support who I want as well.

(Keep your lame ass negativity to yourself also kapesh)

Arohanui B xx

Read more about Forgotten Baby Syndrome here and this Herald article here