The first biffo
It’s been bloody rainbows and unicorns over here for the last few weeks because we have Jared home and well he’s been gone for a LONG time so naturally having him home is going to be the bee’s knee’s. We had been living on cloud nine and it was great but then we went away with two kid’s for two nights and switching between two hotels with no form of transport, yep that’ll suck ya right back down to reality oh and the plane ride that ought to do it as well.
We come from Army background so were fairly used to Jared being away every now and then and I guess I knew what to expect to a certain extent which 100% helped us through the long distance situation but at the same time nothing prepares you for the you’ve been away far too long and now you’re just waltzing back in here ruining our routine you cunt so fuck right back off again and let me parent my way! Woah I might have taken that a bit far ha but I know someone out there is nodding along like aha I feel you sister.
So Jared doesn’t handle stress (yep as I’m typing this I’m like erm he’s meant to be a cop is) no but seriously he just doesn’t do that well with stressful situations like he’s a bit OCD and he’s allergic to going with the flow where me on the other hand I’m like yolo brah it’ll be sweet the kids will be fine with no nap and just cruising the streets of Sydney late at night looking for a sweet spot to eat don’t worry about it we have heaps of time to get home and give them a bath and get them to bed. We are literally opposites ha but they say that works right? Please tell me they say that works?! No totally kidding he’s my ride or die we 1000000% work but back to the story the cracks started to show by the morning after a night of literally no sleep for me oh and the trek from the train station to the hotel in the rain with one kid in the pram and one kid asleep in the front pack (Both Mountain Buggy the pram was the Nano and Pack was the Juno, total shout out because these two products literally saved our butt’s so many times on the trip) and then Jared trailing behind with our two suitcases. In other news props to the young lass who offered up her umbrella to us to keep because we were literally drowned rats in the streets of Sydney with two kids at 8pm at night what a good bitch even though I did politely decline as there were literally no hands free to carry said umbrella. The thing is I had really expected this to be the clincher you know the thing that sent Jared over the edge because I am the one who got us off at the wrong stop and then kept saying nah google maps said its only 11 minute’s walk when actually in was 19 minutes and that’s probably for a reasonably fit single person not a fucking travelling circus stuck in the rain so really it was like a 30 minute walk! But alas we soldiered on me powering ahead yelling back to Jared it’s only 300 Metres babe when really its was 500 (I’m not the only one who does this right?!) Any way that story was a bit of background info, a scene setter if you like. But it was the morning like I said when things really heated up.
I had a scheduled paid post to do and I was meant to post before we left Aotearoa but due to lack of internet and also waiting of approval I wasn’t able to until the morning and by then I was getting the why wasn’t the scheduled post posted and I’m like because I got stuck in the rain in bloody Sydney but I’ll do it now and so after the night of no sleep like this is how bad it was Rocky started sleep fighting with me at 4am because he wanted a yogurt from his lunch box when A. We had no yogurt and B. We didn’t even bring his lunch box oh and C. It was 4 fucking AM but Jared had a great sleep in his own bed without waking to a peep. Any who I had to post this post and so I asked baby daddy to watch the kid’s so I could get it done (remember all in one big room) he didn’t move from bed that’s cool though he could see them and spring into action if needed, Ruby tipped multiple bags of food on the floor it was his moment he was needed… Yep didn’t move. I stopped picked up food and child glared at big lump on bed and continued on my blogging way, moment number two Ruby again this fucking child ha well she found a shit nappy I had put by the door and slowly but surely started to unravel it… yep I waited but no rushing to the crime scene from old PC plod so once again I stopped and saved Ruby from the clutches of shitland. Back to it and almost finished... Oh hi Rocky no I can’t take you swimming in that pool mum’s busy WORKING... Yep I lost my shit and then Jared lost his shit because I said I’d be five minutes and it had been like twenty, oh I wonder why it’s taken me twenty minutes to do a five-minute job let’s think back example A food fight, Example B Shit fight and example C whinging, clinging toddler all while you were on your stupid phone in that stupid bed... We yelled and yelled and yelled and then Rocky cried, OMG the worst! Rocky bloody cried he started sobbing for his Nana because his mummy and daddy were fighting, penny dropped Rocky had probably never heard us fight like ever because when we did live together we never argued in front of him and he hadn’t actually had both of us under the same roof in over a year so fighting just never happened. Shit! That brought us back down to happy land pretty quickly we both felt terrible but it was always going to happen Jared has been living away for 16 weeks with no responsibilities what so ever like he had his food cooked for him, his dishes done and probably never had to look inside a laundry he only had to focus on him for four months and it was going to take longer than one week to get back into the swing of family life.
He didn’t get it at all he didn’t understand that being in the same room as the kids “watching” them whilst I worked didn’t actually count as looking after them, he didn’t actually think about anyone but himself which is pretty douchy but at the same time he’s gone a who year of living on his own and only having to worry about his own needs so I do get it but at the same time oh hell no home boy this is not happening.
We dealt with it and life moved on that day was great we went to the zoo and ate good food and caught the train which Rocky would have happily done all day lol we had poor man’s pizza for tea (pizza hut delivered to our hotel) and Jared did a liquor store mish for beer life was good oh and Ruby was asleep in the bathroom which meant life was extra good (see IG for my mum hack) and then the next morning the worst thing happened it was a minor as far as triggers go but fuck balls the sentence that came out of Jared’s mouth hurt so bad. He was brushing Rocky’s teeth and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to do something like that so when I heard the commotion in the bathroom which went like this Rocky “I do it first” Jared “No Daddy does it and then Rocky can do it” Rocky “No I brush first” Jared “Rocky just let me brush your teeth!” So me being helpful I yelled out he does it first now and I do it second, well well well apparently that was the wrong time to open my mouth he stormed out of the bathroom muttering about how Rocky was just about to let him brush his teeth and he doesn’t need my help or opinion blah blah blah so I explained that for the last 16 weeks we have done it this way to which he yelled I don’t care what you did for the last 16 weeks! Oh no you didn’t boyfriend and then the waterworks came on I was so cut up like literally heartbroken over that one comment, how could he say that when literally if I hadn’t done what I had to do in those 16 weeks he would not have finished police college in the position he did, I allowed him to be so self-centred in order for him to focus on what he needed to focus on which was police college, I didn’t complain about being tired or how shit the kids are or ask him to do stuff I just got on with it and sucked it up so mentally he was 100% focused on his work. So saying something like that was the most heart wrenching thing that he could have ever said, he didn’t mean it like that though I know he didn’t and he wouldn’t have actually even thought about it at the time. He’s so far from a malicious person I don’t actually think he would know how to bitch about someone if he tried, what he said came from his own frustrations of me telling him how to parent when he was also trying to find his feet as a parent again. Should he have lashed out like that, no but should I be jumping in every time I think he’s not doing something the right way in this parenting thing shit no!
I guess the moral of this yarn is to see both sides of the story, I’m over here like we have a routine and we do things this way. Then he’s on the other side fumbling through trying to be the best parent he can after being absent for so long, trying to fit into our routine and making the right decisions.
I am so so so lucky to even have a partner who does what he does, there were times he must have felt frustrated to not be here to support me and there were times I felt frustrated to not have him more mentally involved but it was a short term sacrifice for the most rewarding outcome and with the right communication and positive reinforcement shit will get back to normal pretty quickly, I’m not ruling out another good argument or two but I’m also not that worried by them because they are normal, we are normal and our lives are fairly normal (I think) haha.
Life is great xx