I just titled this the toddler and the giant poo and it is a true story about my Tuesday, let’s start by asking a mate how their Tuesday was? It’s a kind thing to do like I know they say hump day is Wednesday but I’m pretty much going with any day after 9am Monday and before 7pm Friday is hump day oh unless you don’t get a break on the weekend then your fucked and your whole life is a hump day.

Basically today has been fine, Rocky slept in our bed last night because Aunty Alex is in his (Fuck you Alex) and that was cool dare I say it we actually all co slept pretty blissfully, Ruby though shit she woke up more times than you’d change your undies in a week so that was really fucking annoying but Jared’s on days off so I put him to task and made him get up once after I exaggerated how many time I’d already been up with her. The thing is he doesn’t even have to give her a bottle or anything she just goes back to sleep if it’s him, maybe he will put in a dismal 3-minute back run when I have to put in a fucking 3-hour back rub so he got up and that was cool she went back to sleep and then woke up another million times before her final wakes up at 7am when she fell out of bed super un gracefully and smacked her head on the wall on the way down. They were pretty cute for the most part of the morning you know when you wake up and your just like shit yeah this is going to be a good day, I have just joined an indoor netball team and we had our first game today, as I left the house I said my final good buys to Jared because I didn’t think I would make it through the 40 minutes (turned out the ref fucked up and I think we only played 30 wohoooo) any way shit was good Jared was in charge of the kids and I must have lost like 5kgs from running around that netball court right?! Nah probs not because I then ate my weight in dumplings.

When I got home I was like ok shower cool, this is great I built Rocky the most dope ass train track you have ever seen like it was so amazing and so I figured I would get to clean my pits and pussy in peace but no who follows me in and as I’m de robing asks if he can watch me take a shower, yep stalker number one Rocky. I said yes obvs because him watching me have a shower is normally just sitting on the step thing for the toilet waiting for me to get out but then right when I was putting one of my pretty little toes in the water he announces he needs to take a shit so I’m like take a bloody shit and then I tell him from the comfort of the shower I’ll wipe his ass once I’m done yay this shower is so good. He then yells out I’m not actually finished I’ve got one big push left, yep there’s one big poo still in there. I kid you not this is the running commentary I got while trying to enjoy my five second shower, he literally called the whole pooping show like a race caller, it was TERRIBLE oh and then when he finally finished this shit he let me know so I could cut my already short shower shorter and he asked ever so politely if I could get out and wipe his butt, to which I ever so politely told bum he could wipe his own fucking butt! It kind of went back and forth for a bit and we compromised that he would wipe and I would double wipe, oh the joys.

Got to love Tuesdays right?!

It got better I ate dumpling and drunk beer with my bestie, we hit the dopest park in the land and then went to nana and poppas for tea where my dad told me to get off my phone, we discussed Jared getting a vasectomy, Rocky poured a whole bottle of ranch dressing on my mum's salad and then because she's such a good bitch she just ate it any way when I would have lost my shit and refused to eat anything off that plate and the kids danced on the dinner table shit it was a god way to end a pretty good but kind of shitty (get it) Tuesday.

Hope you had a fab one babes.

B xx