I feel like a real journalist writing this one, like I wrote and incredibly deceiving headline just to draw you suckers in and it worked because I'm pretty sure your now here reading it because you want to know what a dead beat dad Jared is am I right? Well your wrong he's a great dad the title is a play on the fact that he's going to be away for 16 whole weeks with the odd weekend home. Get it the distant dad lol. 

So it's about how Jared's going to police college in a week today for 16 long weeks apart from it will probably go really quick because life will become busy as shit without him here, its been a long time coming this police college gig like three years to be exact so to say we are prepared is an under statement and we've kind of been here done that before when Jared was in the army. I guess the only difference this time is we have children and not just one child but children two of them one who wont really know whats happening but one who will be heart broken his daddy is gone, in the past when Jared has been away with the army they were normally ten day stints or the longest was when he went to Hawaii for seven weeks when Rocky was about Ruby's age so seven months. That was a bloody breeze though he didn't know what what happening and he was barely old enough to even realise jared was missing plus if he did I could just shove a tit on his mouth and he was happy again but this time he's all about his dad and he will really really miss Jared.

I dont know if I'm speaking just for myself or if other mama's whose partners work away form home will be sitting at reading going aha I feel ya sister but either way I'm going to share my thoughts and reality on the matter.

I don't think I've tried to portray a perfect life and I dont think I've fooled anyone into the illusions that I have a perfect home life (I do think I have a perfect family but I don't think anyone is perfect so obviously we aren't perfect as partners or parents) so its no secret that Jared and I have baggage and have had plenty of ups and downs over the last ten years and this baggage comes in the form of infidelity (both sides), trust issues, breakdown of communication, generally disliking each other, pressures that come with having children, financial pressure you name it we have probably been there (and I'm happy to go into detail on any of those issues if anyone is interested let me know because relationships are fucking hard work and I'm all about being realistic). So naturally when Jared is going to be in another town and another island to me and our children for 16 whole weeks some insecurities are going to raise their ugly heads, I'm not a jealous person in any way shape or form and I wouldn't consider myself to be on the controlling partner scale at all. I would like to say I trust Jared 110% but if I'm being really honest its probably only 98% which I still count as a pass haha but in saying that I'm not going to be sitting at home worrying and texting Jared 24/7 when he's away just for my own peace of mind you know who he's with and what he's doing that type of thing this is mainly because I don't have time for that and you know what I actually don't care enough to worry that much. It's not that I don't care if he cheats on me obviously I would care but what kind of a life would it be for me sitting at home being consumed by what if thoughts I don't ever do what if thoughts, it is what it is. I would be lying if I said it hadn't crossed my mind, I'm a realistic person and after being in the army environment for so long I'm not stupid I know what happens (sorry if this offends or if anyone gets their knickers in a twist over this) but it is extremely common for guys to cheat on their partners like really really the norm thing when they are away whether or not people want to admit this like I am is another story and people will probs get all pissy about this but yolo, they go away a lot and they get drunk a lot and no one holds them accountable for their actions because they're all about the bro code and thats just the way it happens so I can only imagine the police college environment will be similar, I could be wrong? but I could be also totally right sooo. The other side of that is not a physical thing but an online thing, this one scares me more. It's something we have dealt with in our relationship so its probably my biggest worry right now. Do I think Jared will do anything along these lines.. NO I really 100% don't but its still their in the back on my mind where it probably will be for a wee while yet (its the 2% missing from my 100% up there) and do you know what I kind of get it (arghhh now this might get people going) but I do he's away form his family and I'm not there to be reached 24/7 because I'm running the house and shit I know how easy it can be to get caught up in something so yes I do see how things like that happen, I guess my views on cheating might be different to others but thats me. I don't condone anything at all but I see how things happen and I do think people deserve a second chance shit sometimes I've been known to give a 4th chance possibly more because I believe in love and in my family and I also know that relationships are hard work and there is more to it that just cheating so don't write someone off instantly because under certain circumstances people need support and help to break cycles just as much as you need to mend a broken heart. So before you come at me with your advice, you deserve better blah blah blah I don't really care, thank you but I'm good and sometimes there is more to a situation than meets the eye also for the record infidelity or cheating or whatever is not something we have dealt with in our relationship in a very very long time.

Right that got a bit ranty but it's done now sooooo heres a few other issues that might come up, I'll get mad at him for not being here when I've been up all night with a baby and the toddler is being a cunt. He will get mad at me because I'm mad at him for not being here when it's actually not his choice to be away and he would do anything to be here at home with his family. And then in hindsight I'll apologise because it wasn't fair for me to treat him like that and blame him, then he will apologise saying its ok your allowed to take it out on me and he should be more supportive. Lol its funny writing that because it's so obvious and stupid but naturally that scenario will probably happen aprox 5398 times during those 16 weeks, even though we know its stupid and recognise it now. Then I will be pissy because Jared isn't available/awake to take my call at 5.45am and he will be annoyed that he's being woken up at 5.45am then we wont talk all day and I'll cry saying you get to sleep in every day and I'm up with your fucking children at the crack of dawn, once again he will be all its not my fault you just need to deal with it thennnnn we will both be apologising and saying we will try to communicate better next time when in reality we will do this once a week for 16 weeks. He will do something fun and I'll be like fuck you I never get to do anything fun and he will be like what do you want me to sit in my room 24/7 and I'll be all no but you would just text me back, then he will be like what can I do any way like I'm in the north island its not like I can just come and help you and thennnnn we will love each other again the next day where I will say soz for nagging and he will ay sorry for not being more understanding... Heres the thing I could go on with these sitchos and we haven't even started yet but I wont I'll save some for in the moment blogs over the next few months haha.

Then theres the frustration from Jared that he's missing out on so much, I get this and I feel the pressure immensely to keep all parties happy. I not only have Rocky who is asking for his dad to do something with him but then theres Jared jealous that he isn't taking Rocky to do things.  Having partners away is such a big juggling act and possibly the most exhausting thing I have ever done but at the same time its just life and if you can't change it there is no point topping over it, get on with it and it will literally be over before you know it.

I haven't even got started on the pre going away fighting, we must not be the only couple this happens to? What is pre going away fighting you might ask? Well let me tell you it usually starts about three weeks out from when the baby mama or baby daddy heads away and stops and starts a few times during those long three weeks, there will be yelling and crying and tantrums and apologies and silent treatment and text threats and then text apologies and normal apologies and outburst that end in get fucked and then actually getting fucked and then promises to enjoy the time we have as a family over then next few weeks and then it will all repeat. Yep its mental ha but it happens with out fail when theres a big change about to happen, it happened when Jared would go away in the army, it happened when we were moving to Christchurch and Jared was staying in the North Island and now its happening again. We talk about it and laugh like its completely normal and it doesn't really concern me because it always happens ha its like this weird elephant in the room and we just roll with the punches, I think it stems from all of the above we are both on edge Jared is leaving his family and doesn't want to miss out and then I'm like well your leaving me here to deal with it so I'm the one who's meant to be angry your basically getting a holiday. We get so caught up in it all that we forget to talk about how we are feeling and then we get bitter and twisted until it all boils over we have a yelling match and then the love returns and we are hella supportive of each other for a few days then we go again. Shit we are fucked hahaha.

Ok team so thats where my love life is at, thats the norm of our relationship and thats my truth, ha it might not sit right with everyone but I'm not really that worried about you guys I'm just over her trying my best to be a bad ass mum and partner, life is bloody fantastic but its not all roses and lollypops. Some days we are far more tyler the creator than we are usher but I wouldn't change it for anything lifes no fun when its perfect so we are just going with it, learning from each other and also from our surroundings I'm pretty confident we will be together forever and live happily but I'm not 100% because really what is 100%? I do however know we will give it our best shot and have fun doing it.

B xx

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