Are you still tired?

Please tell me I’m not the only one still tired?

Today we are a week in yep one whole week since the clocks went back or forward I actually have no idea ha story of my life right now, it's been one week since then but like a life time of early mornings.

I wrote a poem.

I’m tired

We’re all tired

My kid’s a dick

He’s as cute as brick

Fuck you daylight savings

You’re really a bloody paining’s in my ass

Sleep child sleep

It is really neat

Try it

I dare you

Sleep mother fucker sleep

There it is, shit its good right? I don’t even know what else I can say apart from a week in and we are still firmly on struggle street, it’s like 6am we have been awake for what feels like one million years and one child is pantless while the other is smooshing peanut butter into the couch while growling like a lion, yep it’s a fucking fun fest around here.

I was going to share an old post about my struggles parenting Rocky because I’ve never said it has been easy but then I thought I’d write a new post that included that great poem, it’s not just Rocky it’s probably thousands of other kids across the country as well and I’m aware I probably sound like a stuck record but I need to know I’m not alone I’m desperately seeking out some mates to be like the savings of daylight is still screwing with my off spring as well.

She’s not been my best week of parenting I’ve yelled a lot like more than I would like to admit and well Rocky has yelled too. I’ve cried more than I normally cry because I’m a firm believer in crying being a staple part of parenting ha and god have these kids cried, they’ve cried for more ice-cream, for more milk, for more cereal, for more you tube or TV, because they’re tired, they’ve cried because the book wasn’t read properly or because the cupboard wasn’t shut right it has been a long week of frustrated tears. We have had tantrums on tantrums by both me and the kids and god have I felt bad about 500000000 times a day.

It’s been a shitter Jared pretty much worked the whole week like literally he worked the whole six days after daylight savings, today is his first day off and fuck me sideways I am ready for some two parent action! It’s been a week of frustrations and tears and apologies when I have raised my voice, at 5am I have lashed out in frustration at the child wide awake in the bed next to me I have hissed at him horrible things like what is wrong with you? And then apologised over and over again as I cuddled him in closer, we are months onto these early morning wake ups but this last week has brought it forward even more and it’s been so hard.

I know I know I’m bloody banging on about this sleep thing and I totally am I’m not here to fuck spiders I’m ready to get this shit sorted. The time has come because let’s be honest that sticker chart that didn’t fucking work for anyone, we got through to him yep we really got him on the same page as us and he earned a bloody toy aha he chose a Lego city, he doesn’t know what a Lego city is but he knew that kids in America play with Lego city and he wanted one. I don’t know about you but my three-year-old doesn’t know what the shit to do with this Lego city like he can only just chuck some Duplo together let alone construct a police car with a cage on the back on his own. This was a problem but then I had that ding ding light bulb moment the little bro can’t read so what did I do I picked a god damn Duplo set and I put it with the big kids Lego which he could quite clearly define from the baby Lego and I let him pick it, yep I’m a bad ass dope ass mum.

So that happened he 100% did not deserve it but whatever I’m rolling with it and that was great then we were ready to start the next sticker chart you know push it out to four days no three, so I went about explaining it to him gain you know the hey so sleep like a good old mate again and when you get this many stickers you get a toy!! Yay OMG I’m the best mum ok cool now go. Well well well go he did not because he’s like no I’ve got a toy, I got Lego city (shame it wasn’t Lego city I tricked your cute little ass) ok and he’s like I have my toy I won and I’m like it’s not a game and I might give you away. Basically this meant that he was not down on any more stickers because he had his mother fucking toy and apparently one is enough in his Lego world, yep he’s like no I am done and I’m like well you might be but I am NOT! It’s safe to say we quit the sticker chart and I might cry if I see a sticker in the next year or so.

Right so lame sticker mc sticker chart is out, tread carefully do NOT under any circumstance suggest give the sticker chart another try. We have tried a gro clock albeit a while ago we tried out the gro clock when Rocky was like two and it worked great, that is not sarcastic either it worked great it cured him off his early rising and I was all hallelujah but he did clock that shit. Yep he clocked the clock and he started bringing that stupid littlesun up when it was the stupid little moons turn to be up so I was all ok cool sweet I’m pretty sure it has a kiddy clock ah yep kiddy lock but noooo Rocky figured that out and he said whatever girlfriend it’s wake up time, like I said though it did work and so I sold the glorious clock it has been a good year gro cock free but now I’m like do I try again? People have suggested a clock that you put the right number next to or something and they then know when it looks like that it’s time to get up but I just don’t think Rocky is the right kid for that?! Like it sounds complicated for me so how the hell is he meant to figure that out?! Today I talked to mum about letting him essentially cry it out like just shut that bloody door and leave him to it but then I decided he was too old for that and mum pointed out that A- He would probably kick the door down and B- He would be even more traumatised, ya know what I’m all for crying it out it worked for both my kids at different ages but he’s too old now.

I enlisted some help and I asked an internet mum mate who knows her shit she’s the lovely Fiona at sleepy tot and when she asked me a few questions I was like oh yeah that sounds right ha it’s funny when you just need a little outside perspective, Fiona asked me about Rocky’s routine etc and I told her much info as I could about how he goes to bed at 7-7.30 and he goes straight to sleep and never has problems during the night and he just wakes up at like 4.30am and it is pure hell but one of the things I realised with Fiona’s help is that when he wakes up its because he is looking for comfort he either wants to be in our bed, his back rubbed or me in his bed I just assumed it was habit or something and it probably is a little bit but he also 100% is looking for that comfort. When I went to Sleepytot my plan was to get black out curtains and possibly another sleep training clock but then I realised at 4.30am one morning that it was still really fucking dark at that time of the morning and he def did not need black out curtains so then I was thinking about re introducing white noise I swear by white noise but Rocky hasn’t had it for over a year so it might be weird to re-introduce it? I would have never thought of a Lulla Doll but when Fiona suggested one and explained how they can also work for older kids I was like I’m sold, so mates we are getting a lulla doll and we are going to get this devil child sorted I swear to god ha.

Every day and night that goes by I feel so incredibly blessed to have these babies I love them so so much but shit it’s hard, last night I sat in Rocky’s room crying rubbing his back as Ruby sat in her cot screaming all I could think about was how the fuck am I meant to get up and look after them tomorrow. I sat there feeling bad that Ruby was screaming but the reality was there’s only one of me and I had to choose Ruby is caged so she seemed like the better option because well she can’t run and scream the house down, it’s just so over whelming and so lonely sitting on a bedroom floor staring at your baby through the cot rails wondering if you sneak out they will wake up and then you crawl out and they don’t wake up but as soon as your head hits that pillow it’s like they know and your crying again because the baby is screaming again. She’s a vicious cycle it is so so hard but then the morning comes and the baby isn’t screaming or crying the baby is giggling and smiling and you forget about last night, you forget about how tired you are for a while and you just enjoy that fact that you are lucky enough to have amazing kids don’t get excited this it’s not all unicorns and glitter come 10am you have completely lost your shit and your crying again because the tiredness has kicked in and not just for you but for the kids as well because they were up all night to and you get shouty when you never thought you’d be a shouty mum but here you are shouting and crying whilst the toddler is shouting and crying and the baby is just crying but probably wishing she could shout. You feel bad and you feel over whelmed but it doesn’t stop you feeling so much feelings towards the situation eventually the calm comes again and before you know it the rollercoaster of a day is coming to an end and even though you dream of a sleepy night you know it probably won’t be and you give yourself a bloody pat on the back because you made it through he tired haze and you kept the kids alive, fed and mostly happy, go you mama bloody go you.

It started funny it ended poor me but I’m ok with that because yesterday it was still funny today it wasn’t really funny it was really really hard.

We can do this ok

We can get through this

I fucking love this kid and we will get there I will sleep again when he’s like 10 maybe? Please tell me I will sleep in when he’s 10?!

B xx